the unspoken word

I am started to get addicted to this I find it so liberating that I have somewhere where I can express my feelings. Its something that just cant be done now. Its we live in a one dimensional place where every one is happy just going along not rely doing anything. People have become clones, at times even those who protest to be different have a air of similarity two them.

I don’t blame people for this, its our culture it makes us act this way to become passive and accept what is in front of us. We go through life clinging to material values often to the expense to our emotional and “spiritual self” (yes I am aware of the irony of this rant being done on a laptop) But in my current situation (a university student) there is no way I can otherwise do this.

I see it every day which at times just sickens me, for example I was on a bus and where I go to uni is a small town and to catch the bus doesn’t take long to get to anywhere. When I went onto the bus as I looked around nearly all were listening to MP3 players and this I found tragic. Evan on a 5 minute bus ride people have become shunned into their own little world void of contact. You know what is the tragic part… I was one of them.

Why does it always have to be this way? when I get close I push away. When I feel something real I numb it down forget about the feeling and hope it goes away. Then when they are gone they are all I think about. Its been so long since my last proper relationship and the failed ones scatter my memory.

Am I still not over her?

i will not take any substances for one week

ive been taking that vow for about 2months now, pretty much since i have come back to uni after x-mas. i go to a small town uni and its pretty much all you can do there.. seriously there relly isnt much to do apart from go out and gewt wasted. yea it is pretty great ive had some legandary times... but since late august ive been going out at least 4nites a week and its like starting to wear me out. im sick of waking up with that feeling of regret of what you may of done and a headache and want to put the world on pause so you can sleep and not deal with the noise. and staying in alone(like im doing now) because all my friends have gone out has left me nothing else to do apart from think. this can be a very dammaging thing at times. yea playing guitar is all great. but at times you can get sick of your own company and voice. look at the mirror and just go what the fuck. its a horrible feeling i dont like it. i will be doing this for hours more so go me.

this was a pointless rant but if you read this give me some comfort.

mat

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Well this is my first proper blog that will turn into one of many. I?ve kept a journal for a while and I?ve been thinking for a while to start up my own blog, so now is as good as time as any right?

It?s 5-30 pm so I?m going to make an effort to make this as legible as possible because I do have slight insomnia and dyslexia so my 3am posts will be interesting to say the least.

I go to university at the moment and study Film and TV so this means I have time to write and songs and music, which has become more of a release and I?ve been working on some new material I will keep you updated on this and audio/ visual clips will be provided as I progress.

You?ve got any questions at this point give me a shout and I?ll tell you all you need to know.

This may be short but this is my first post and I will update every couple of days and they will get more interesting, I promise.

To some up this will be the unspoken word of my thoughts I hope you enjoy them.

Peace,

MaT

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