the unspoken word

Hey I just wanted to inform you all that over the next week I will be posting designs that I have creared. All feedback is welcome

Hearts and Kisses

Matt

xoxo

The Robotic Boy

There once lived a robotic boy
He was his parent’s pride and joy
Their favorite little appliance
Who broke all the rules of science

Royalty

Life isn’t easy being a queen
Having a corset burst your spleen

I am now on my 3rd and final day of the no coffee and its killing me i am so tierd and its not nice, i feel so tierd and im still eating loads and snapping at people.

!!! so far !!!!
I feel so bad I lapsed this morning I feel so weak and kane right now.

what happend???...
well last night I went out with my friends and got pretty drunk went home and passed out where evreything was all fine and dandy. Then the wardens tested the fire alarm woke me up I went into the kitchen and in a daze i made and drank a coffee.

That was a hour ago and I need another one now. Its like that part in 40 days 40 nights where the main character is on his 39th day and it all goes down hill...

WOW!
how mellowdramatic am I.

I would like to thank people for reading my little stuggle against my weakness.

BIG SHOUT OUT TO Chyna_doll and numbsunday and sapped you 3 have been nice
x

first I would like to say thanks for all of your support for my little challene I set myself. your words helped
x

SO FAR...
Its been 48 hours and its been HARD!. I would of posted more but Its been to hard. Ive found that since Ive stopped drinking coffee I have no real concentration. Like i cant relly stay focused at one thing at a time, which is not good for the fact I have exams for uni coming up.

ALSO! i am eating like crazy like when im up im going on proper binges. yesterday this is what i ate... starting from breakfast

2pieces of toast and butter and orange juice
1 pack of noodles
pack of milk choc buttons
1 pack of pasta and sauce
baguette and slamon
7mini rolls
1/2 roulade

this is like way more than i usually eat and i am VERY weight concoious im not a fan of my body anyway.

but there has been a good point to this i am sleeping relly well past 2 nights i havd at least 8 hours sleep which is just insane.

but there are also qwite bad things happening as well... like the shakes and mind splitting headaches which come and go.
I miss the coffee

xoxo

I belive evreyone has a drug of choice be it drugs, booze ect. wel mine is coffee i drink it like water... a black freshly ground coffee is to me what a hit is to a junkie. it picks me up its the highlight of my day i just need a coffee. Its been this way since ive been 13 and i first properly started drinking coffee before school... which just started me drinking more and more.

THE SITUATION...
well i drink at least 8 cups a day and that is a bare parts of it. If i dont get one of these coffees i feel it strait away i feel tierd and my energy level drops strait away. I lose focus and my mood swings go just in a spiral (which is usually downward)

today...
i woke up and there is no coffee in my flat and i just beared thinking ill just go get some later... fast forward it to 8:20pm and because im broke no coffee all day, which is the first in ages.

I feel so tierd and now i want coffee so bad and ive snapped a few times at people. However I decided that I want to see if I can go 72 hours without coffee...

well lets wait and see

I belive evreyone has a drug of choice be it drugs, booze ect. wel mine is coffee i drink it like water... a black freshly ground coffee is to me what a hit is to a junkie. it picks me up its the highlight of my day i just need a coffee. Its been this way since ive been 13 and i first properly started drinking coffee before school... which just started me drinking more and more.

THE SITUATION...
well i drink at least 8 cups a day and that is a bare parts of it. If i dont get one of these coffees i feel it strait away i feel tierd and my energy level drops strait away. I lose focus and my mood swings go just in a spiral (which is usually downward)

today...
i woke up and there is no coffee in my flat and i just beared thinking ill just go get some later... fast forward it to 8:20pm and because im broke no coffee all day, which is the first in ages.

I feel so tierd and now i want coffee so bad and ive snapped a few times at people. However I decided that I want to see if I can go 72 hours without coffee...

well lets wait and see

I belive evreyone has a drug of choice be it drugs, booze ect. wel mine is coffee i drink it like water... a black freshly ground coffee is to me what a hit is to a junkie. it picks me up its the highlight of my day i just need a coffee. Its been this way since ive been 13 and i first properly started drinking coffee before school... which just started me drinking more and more.

THE SITUATION...
well i drink at least 8 cups a day and that is a bare parts of it. If i dont get one of these coffees i feel it strait away i feel tierd and my energy level drops strait away. I lose focus and my mood swings go just in a spiral (which is usually downward)

today...
i woke up and there is no coffee in my flat and i just beared thinking ill just go get some later... fast forward it to 8:20pm and because im broke no coffee all day, which is the first in ages.

I feel so tierd and now i want coffee so bad and ive snapped a few times at people. However I decided that I want to see if I can go 72 hours without coffee...

well lets wait and see

The poison flower grows in a place
Where seeds grow far from grace
It is a dark place inside of us all
One that cries when a child will fall
Plant the lie and watch it grow
Who it kills we will never know
Like the murderer who lurks in the ally
Waits for his next victim to double his tally
It’s the little voice that inside our head
The one that says “better of dead”

If I could have one wish
It would to be a killer fish
I'd wait in nets that you place
just so I can eat your face
The you can feel all the pain
Of some-one ripping out your brain

If One dream could come true
I would swim the ocean blue
I could see you dump in my home
get some revenge of my own
I will laugh as you sudder
opps and there goes your rudder

The pin eyed voodoo doll called Molly
Has the story of the greatest melancholy
Far and wide people traveled to stare
At the little girls toy that had no hair
But six needles replaced both of her eyes
She became a freak to no-ones surprise

The pin eyed voodoo doll called Molly
Has now killed the sweet little girl Polly
As she ran away from what she away
A lorry came and made her pay
The little voodoo doll then stood up and spoke
That is what you get for making me a joke

although I still love to touch you
I'll reserve the right to hate you
poison in the bottle leaves me hazey eyed
so i'll take a sip for evrey time you lied
so take the lipstick the boy you kissed
and just know that you wont be missed

Wake up in a cold sweat turn around youll be gone
In a teary state ill still wonder what I did wrong
You wont blame yourself I will do it for two
Cut myself twice as hard just for loving you
The same old poison will draw me in again
starting over instead of your lipstick will be a pen

When you read about me in a paper dont feel for me please
I know you never loved me and you faked evrey sqweeze
I lernt the lesson the lesson just one moment to late
Girls like you dont love they will only hate
I hope you will be happy with your new fake smile and lies
But you will be alone with all your broken ties

its been a while since i last did a blog. i got wierded out with writing down my thoughts and feelings but hey what have i got to lose.

songwriting
well this is going ok I guess leaving my band behind has left me to my own devices and made me realise why I started doing this thing in the first place. I do still miss my band but it would be nice to get back into it. also i started writing a new song

sleep

I am glad to say over hte last week I have mamaged to sleep for 5 hours a night, which is the most I have done in about 10 years and I feel so great because of it. For the first time in a while I do feel good I am eating well and my mistakes and bad feeling are not controlling me so I am in a good place.

The City sleeps...
Well I was the city kid now leaving the city and going to the countryside to study has been good to me. I'm relly seeing a diffrence in the way I am. Citys have a habit of recreating themselves and you see the same people and people act like they own the world. Sadly I was one og those people and I can look back and think what a bad person I have been.
DO i miss the city?? yea i do i miss the buzz from being in a center and the life i had. but being away from it i realise citys can destroy you.

Hey if you made it this far i thank you for reading

x

(and im sorry for the bad grammer but the sun is out and i want to feel it on my face)